Being in the eye of the storm

Everywhere today in the news, all that I could hear was talk about the monster storm Sandy that was on its way......visuals of the waves lashing the shores....swirling winds in the satellite images....talk about how massive the hurricane was and what to expect or not expect.

As I watched all this, I could not help but think of what the Universe was trying to tell us through all this. Was it to stop running around like crazy after mundane things....pause....reflect....on what was most important? Was it to pin us down and let us know in a way that we will never forget - that there is nothing that is beyond the power of the earth? Or was it to show us the way to find peace......to look within....deep within....be centred and calm just as the eye of the storm is....amidst all that turmoil and swirling winds around us in this world and our life?

We did make calls to some of our family who live in the areas that are in the path of the hurricane. It was surprising and yet comforting to hear their reactions to our worried voices. From ignorance to indifference to nonchalance to surprise....I did not hear one voice that echoed a surrender......to the power of the universe. Or maybe it was there....but veiled by fear and insecurity. Well, but who am I to say that or even think that? Have I surrendered to my inner self and the Universe? Perhaps a little, but not completely.....perhaps in some things, but not all. And yet, I know in my heart and soul that surrender has to be complete. No questions. No answers. No thought. No feeling. Just being....and Inter-being. That is the way to surrender I believe.

Empathy - another way of being

This unschooling journey with my son has opened up so many possibilities for me too......things that I had never thought of......things that had never before inspired me enough to question or do something about.....But I can feel the change within and without. I am no longer the person I was two years ago when we started this journey. The unfolding of the self has been both profound and beautiful. I am grateful for this gift that I have received - the gift of mindfulness, celebrating every moment and constantly being in touch with one's true self. I am still understanding and learning about this precious gift. Everyday.

Yesterday was Ayudha Puja - the day we celebrate the gifts that Goddess Saraswathi has given us and thank her for them. We did the usual puja that we do at home for books, things we use, musical instruments, the vehicles we have and so on. There were some young banana trees that our driver had bought and left in our balcony for the puja for the car. They suddenly caught my attention as I was hanging out the clothes to dry. Until that moment I had not even thought about them. Suddenly, I was engulfed with a deep sadness. My eyes welled with tears as I saw them. My heart sank and I had goosebumps.

The last time I had felt this way was on our trip to Sikkim a few months ago (that is another post), when the beauty of everything around me overwhelmed me so much. I was crying as I saw the breathtaking waterfalls, streams, majestic mountains and the tall trees that surrounded me. Tears of bliss if one could call it that. To me, that was a moment of enlightenment. I could "feel"with nature.....not as a tourist would.....but as a nature-lover and seeker would I guess.

And today, when I saw those young banana trees I felt the same way, but with a tinge of sadness. I was sad that someone had cut them down just to use them for a five minute puja. Each of those, if they had been left alone, would have grown into big mature trees, bearing fruit. I could "feel"their pain. But someone had cut them and now by buying them, we were privy to that too. I was shaken and heartbroken.

Could we not do without these trivial rituals? Why do we need pumpkins and trees as good omens and to ward off evil eyes? That could have been food for some hungry soul. And to think that for a good part of all these years, I had not even bothered to question all these things! I was shocked at myself. But I resolved to stop and think even about these mundane things, by being true to myself and my real nature. I realised that I had only recently started living and discovering another way of being - with my son leading the way.

From dust to dust

I was sieving my compost last week and I love doing that - simply because the earthy smell and the whole idea of giving back to nature inspires and heals me immensely. That day, the simple routine activity of sieving gave me a great insight into Life.

While I was sieving the compost, I was thinking of all the things that had gone into making that lot of compost - all kinds of vegetable and fruit waste - bittergourd, tomato, green chilly, capsicum, potato skins, banana flower, carrot heads, apple cores, banana peels, papaya peels etc. There was also some left over rice, bread with fungus, leftover biscuits, and other kitchen waste. Every one of these had its own identity and added its own flavour. And yet, what was left behind after they had decomposed was the same earth. There was nothing in the compost that you could identify as a vegetable or fruit or rotten / stale food. They were all actually the same. One was not more beautiful than the other. One was not more important than the other. One was not more tasty than the other. They all came from the same earth and went back to the same earth where they belonged. So then, what do we human beings rave and rant about all our lives? What do we compete with each other for? What do we think WE own or create in our lives? After all, haven't we come from the same components as everything else in this planet? And isn't that where we go back? Every one of us?

Life Unfolding

I try and watch myself everyday as I do, think and say things.....and it is amazing and beautiful to see how a little part of my true self unfolds every day. It is much like a game of  "passing the parcel" - when every layer that is opened reveals something else inside - a message for the Self - sometimes surprising, sometimes funny, sometimes embarassing, sometimes incomprehensible......when you get the message and do what Life is asking you to do, you move on.......only to open up another layer to reveal something else within.....and the game goes on......until you have removed every layer that is hiding your True Self......which is your surprise gift! I am loving the game and waiting for the surprise gift......Life is beautiful!