lost

there are two ways of feeling lost
when you take a train
to nowhere.
it depends on which seat
you wish to take -
the one facing the front
or the one facing the rear.
I often take the latter
because it is not the one
that is often sought.
some people feel light-headed
and nauseous when they sit
where two worlds face off.
mostly.
'don't look at what's gone',
'don't live in the past',
is the usual refrain.
but I like that seat
where I look at where I've been;
to feel a complete loss of control,
as if the whole world
before you and behind you,
is dissolving every moment,
for it is a place
where you shed books,
friends, beliefs, loved ones,
and skin, like a snake;
worlds disappear within worlds,
memories are sucked
within memories,
pulling you, ripping you apart,
while you ride a wave
to a shore you cannot see;
where you are
neither here nor there,
where you sit by tombstones
flying out from your face,
laughing recklessly,
taunting you
to touch them, hold them,
as you are moved on;
yes, that's the seat
I like to sit on
as stations whiz by,
where I cannot stop
or get off,
for they are mere illusions
of a place where I thought I was,
a place where I want to be,
as time carries me onward
on her giant wings,
into a blue sky
I can only feel,
but never see,
for I ride this train
not knowing why;
lost -
that's a lovely place to be.