I know my way home.
But fear gets in the way.
Fear makes me lose my way.
When I walk in love, I am already home.
To walk in love is to walk blindfolded.
I don't know where I am, or where I am going, or where to place my next step.
But I know that if I 'feel' my way through now, I will be home.
Many decades ago, I remember those dark nights when I used to walk home from the bus stop, after my dance class, on a lonely road with no street lights. It was a long walk home, or at least it seemed like that. Our house was the only one in that area, close to the sea and the fishing village. I was still in school - the last year I think. I remember how I used to be very scared to walk home in pitch darkness. There was this fear of being violated, for one day there was a young man from the fishing village who attacked me, grabbing at my breasts. It happened in the middle of the afternoon. I was too shocked and scared and out of that sprung rage. I went home to get a knife from the kitchen and rode my cycle to get him. I never found him. But that act was rooted in fear. After that, I was too scared to walk down that road all the way home. I remember trembling inside with fear and terror, every night when I walked home. My sister was with me, and yet I felt extreme fear. Fear that I would not reach home. Fear that I would not be 'safe' and in control.
Strangely, when I walked with my fears, a dog appeared suddenly out of nowhere. I had never seen him in that locality before. But he would come every night and walk with us from the bus stop, all the way home. And then, he would disappear into the darkness, just as he he had come. He would walk with us, beside us, at our heel, in complete silence. He never demanded anything of us. Nor did we. We just walked that path together in silence and darkness. We named him 'Mani'. Strangely, when I got over my fear, he did not come back at all. We never saw him again. He was like a strange apparition that came for a specific purpose, and then disappeared. That is what I choose to believe.
Being with my fears and darkness is the only way I know to get home. If I am able to walk with my fears and the darkness that is within, I know that Life will show me the way home and hold me, just like 'Mani' the dog who walked me home every night, until I didn't need him anymore.
The way home is like the umbilical cord that was never cut. It maybe bruised, damaged, scarred, but it is there. Always there. Whatever we do or don't do, we can never lose our way. For there is only one way, and that is the way home, whichever path we choose to take. It is our path, our unique path. Noone can walk the path with us. We have to walk it alone. Whoever comes along the way are apparitions that stay with us as long as we need them, and then disappear. They help us walk with our fears. They help us find our way home, that we know, but are so scared, that we don't see it anymore.
We all know our way home.
So let's just walk home.
Blindfolded.
'Feeling' our way.
Alone.
But fear gets in the way.
Fear makes me lose my way.
When I walk in love, I am already home.
To walk in love is to walk blindfolded.
I don't know where I am, or where I am going, or where to place my next step.
But I know that if I 'feel' my way through now, I will be home.
Many decades ago, I remember those dark nights when I used to walk home from the bus stop, after my dance class, on a lonely road with no street lights. It was a long walk home, or at least it seemed like that. Our house was the only one in that area, close to the sea and the fishing village. I was still in school - the last year I think. I remember how I used to be very scared to walk home in pitch darkness. There was this fear of being violated, for one day there was a young man from the fishing village who attacked me, grabbing at my breasts. It happened in the middle of the afternoon. I was too shocked and scared and out of that sprung rage. I went home to get a knife from the kitchen and rode my cycle to get him. I never found him. But that act was rooted in fear. After that, I was too scared to walk down that road all the way home. I remember trembling inside with fear and terror, every night when I walked home. My sister was with me, and yet I felt extreme fear. Fear that I would not reach home. Fear that I would not be 'safe' and in control.
Strangely, when I walked with my fears, a dog appeared suddenly out of nowhere. I had never seen him in that locality before. But he would come every night and walk with us from the bus stop, all the way home. And then, he would disappear into the darkness, just as he he had come. He would walk with us, beside us, at our heel, in complete silence. He never demanded anything of us. Nor did we. We just walked that path together in silence and darkness. We named him 'Mani'. Strangely, when I got over my fear, he did not come back at all. We never saw him again. He was like a strange apparition that came for a specific purpose, and then disappeared. That is what I choose to believe.
Being with my fears and darkness is the only way I know to get home. If I am able to walk with my fears and the darkness that is within, I know that Life will show me the way home and hold me, just like 'Mani' the dog who walked me home every night, until I didn't need him anymore.
The way home is like the umbilical cord that was never cut. It maybe bruised, damaged, scarred, but it is there. Always there. Whatever we do or don't do, we can never lose our way. For there is only one way, and that is the way home, whichever path we choose to take. It is our path, our unique path. Noone can walk the path with us. We have to walk it alone. Whoever comes along the way are apparitions that stay with us as long as we need them, and then disappear. They help us walk with our fears. They help us find our way home, that we know, but are so scared, that we don't see it anymore.
We all know our way home.
So let's just walk home.
Blindfolded.
'Feeling' our way.
Alone.
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