Notes To Myself - 13

There is a point in life when you come to realise that you need windows more than mirrors. Both are made of the same material - glass (which by nature is transparent and fragile). Yet one has a thin layer of silver (like a wall) which makes the light bounce off it, while the other lets in all the light. You see only yourself in one, while you can see the world through the other. Today I want to break the mirror, open the windows and let in the world.

***************

You see something as a problem when it does not fit into your template of how something should be.
'Problems' are rooted in beliefs that need airing and tilling.
They point you to the place where the 'problem' actually stems from

***************

It is only when I feel comfortable to say NO to certain things or people, will I even begin to learn to take NO for an answer to my requests, with equanimity.
When I say NO to things that don't inspire me, I show respect for myself and life. When I can take NO for an answer to my requests, I show respect for the other and death.
Everything begins with me.

**************

 You cannot 'hold' love or compassion for something or someone....for they are free-flowing, they cannot be controlled. If you feel that you are 'holding' compassion or love, then you can be sure that it is not really compassion or love.

***************


When we think of creating something sustainable, we often seem to have a feeling that it should live on, endure, and not die.....not that that is wrong.....but the way I see it, that is what is perhaps making our car get stuck in the sand and not move.....because we are doing it out of the fear of death.....fear that something will no longer be there for us or another to enjoy....fear of what will happen to us if we do what we are doing to ourselves and the earth today....fear of what will happen to this thing of beauty that we have created....
But when I look at what I want to create, knowing that it will die some day when its time comes, and be okay with that dying, then the way I live today and in this moment, changes exponentially even.....then I don't have this feeling of wanting to hold on to my beliefs and what I have created or want to create.....I am happy to let it all go and trust life to regenerate itself and what I create, in whatever way it deems fit.....
There is always enough.....there is always abundance.....but do we see it?
Or do we see lack and scarcity and get driven by those fears?
We have much to learn just by watching nature....all the answers that we are seeking are there...
I like the way this article distinguishes between what is 'sustainable' and what is 'regenerative'

http://arianeburgess.com/regenerative-community/choosing-consciously/sustainable-or-regenerative/ 

**************

 I am learning to be more conscious of this now:
A care that I feel which is actually cloaked so well in fear that unless I am really aware it slips out so easily in disguise, and a care that I feel which comes from a genuine, deep love, which needs no disguise or explanation.
Trying to say NO to someone with care, usually puts me in one of these two spaces and I am learning to watch myself and catch that fear which tries so hard to slither out 

*************

 I cannot heal the 'hurt child' inside me, who often longs for love, care and attention, by showering love on my own child, my son or someone else close to me. When I think that I can 'heal' by giving to someone else what I did not get 'enough' of, I am actually only feeding the wound that sits so deep inside me. I do it from a space of scarcity or lack.The only way I can begin to heal that wound is to be aware of it and sit with the excruciating pain of loneliness, fear of rejection and abandonment. Anything else that I do only fuels my own ego, trying to make myself needed, wanted and loved. My role as a parent and a human being, is not to use my role to cover up my own fears, but rather to become more and more aware of why I do what I do, and face my own fears head on, instead of passing them on to someone else. Then the love I have and give to my child or anyone else, takes on a whole new flavour and grows in new, freer ways, because it starts to get rooted in self-love.

************

When the heart is ripped open, the mind rushes in to stitch it up with thoughts.

*************

 Sometimes you 'think' you are listening to your own heart and following it, but still feel a slight discomfort in your body. That is the time to listen to your body.
What you 'think' is your inner voice or your heart speaking to you, could actually be the voices from outside telling you what to do.....they are so loud sometimes that you begin to 'think' that that is the voice of your heart.

************

 Detachment is what emerges when you start fearlessly loosening your grip over something or someone. All attachment is rooted in fear.

************

 Your needs - however few or simple they might be - are still the ways in which you seek to take control over yourself and life.

***********