Two days ago, on my birthday, my husband got a call from the person who used to drive our car some years ago. It was a pleasant surprise as we have not been in touch at all ever since he quit about three years ago. He wanted to come and meet us with his family and kind of invited himself for our Golu :) There was no other intention other than that, and I was touched that he still remembered us, called and inquired after us.
He came with his family in the evening and we sat down with them to chat about old times and catch up on each others' lives. Their kids had grown so much and were fascinated with Raghav's creations.
"Are you still angry with us?", his wife asked me hesitatingly.
I smiled and said: " Why should I be angry?"
"No...is sir angry with us still?", she added.
"No....he was perhaps angry then. But with him the anger is only in the moment....he does not hold on to it after that....he forgets about it after the moment....so, he is not angry with you'll...we are not angry at all," I replied.
She looked relieved. As if a big burden was off her.
She then went on to share that they were very happy as a family now....that her husband had a good job, which was not very tiring and stressful, and he was doing well enough.....they were contented and in peace, in spite of their troubles. Yes, they looked happy. I could feel it. I could feel them flowing with their lives. I felt so happy.
"We think of you every night when we sit down to eat," she said.
"Why? I don't understand..." I added.
"The way you both are....sir and you....we have learned a lot from both of you...about how to be with each other....yes, we fight and argue and get really angry and sometimes don't even talk to each other for some time.....but we now know that we have to let each other be....we just go away and be by ourselves for a while until it all settles down....we know that we have only each other and that we like each other beyond all that....life is so much more peaceful than it was then," she softly said, fighting the tears that were welling up.
My heart skipped a beat too. I felt a lump in my throat.....grateful to life for having showed them the way.....and making us an instrument towards that.
I mentioned to him while we were talking that after he had quit, we had stopped doing puja for the vehicles on Ayudha Puja day. He immediately offered to come and do it for us this time. That spontaneous gesture touched me. And we agreed to wait for him this time. Today he came and happily did the puja for our cars with devotion and sincerity. For nothing but the affection and regard he has for us. That moved me to tears. I love these simple acts of love, for no other reason but love.
And then I remembered the old times - how her husband came to drive our car because Srinath (my husband) suddenly developed double vision one day, and just couldn't drive anymore. He came then to help us tide over those challenging times, when I was getting burnt out doing everything including driving, as my husband could not get out of the house and even walk on the road because of his severe double vision. Those were trying times for us. I had just come back from Bangalore after my mother's tryst with cancer, and a few weeks later I was down with chickenpox. My husband had to travel every week to Madurai for his work and needed a driver desperately. He came as a saviour to us.
I remembered how he and his wife had a strange relationship with both of us. They had a lot of misunderstandings between themselves and with their extended family, and would reach out only to us. He would talk only to me and she would talk only to my husband! I recalled how I had shared with him on our many trips in the car, snippets from our life and how we dealt with our problems, with vulnerability and how he opened up too with his problems. He would ask for suggestions and I would share my thoughts. His wife would do the same with my husband on the phone :) It was funny....those conversations we had about life!
We treated him as a part of the family. He used to live very far away and would come at unearthly hours to drive for my husband. Often he would not have eaten anything. I would offer him food and ask him to sit down and eat with my husband. He hesitated in the beginning as I presumed he was not used to being treated that way, but soon felt at home. I would send stuff that I had cooked sometimes home with him for his wife and kid, and he would take it happily. He would bring his family home on special occasions and would not hesitate to do anything for us. I was being myself - open and kind, as I usually am with most people.
But soon the stress of driving back and forth every week got to him I guess and he started slipping up in his work. He would take off without informing us or call in sick very often. My husband would go off on his own and he would show up a day later for work. Both of us were angry with him and he would lie to us out of fear. We were getting tired of this.
Around the same time, I suddenly had a gut feeling that he was attracted towards me too....the way he spoke and looked at me....and I felt very uncomfortable and scared to go alone with him in the car. I also felt sad that he was misusing and perhaps misunderstanding my openness and kindness. I finally expressed how I was feeling to my husband and what I thought. Strangely, soon after I did that and we both decided that we should ask him to go, he himself came up to my husband one day in the office and told him that he wanted to quit. That made it easier for us. And that was the last we saw of him, until two days ago.
So then why did these old energies revisit me or all of us two days ago, after so many years? What was the message in it for me and for us? These are the questions I have been asking myself over the last two days. It is clear to me that this was not a chance incident. There was something in it for me. Maybe for all of us.
I feel now that we were all revisiting our old energies in a new way. Life was telling each of us how much we had grown and changed....what we had let go of....what we had forgiven ourselves for....what we had learned to face in ourselves through what had happened....and where each of us was in our journeys with ourselves now. It was clear that we had all found peace within....we were all at peace with ourselves and our lives....and the way it was unfolding now for each of us. We had moved on from fear, anger, distrust, discontentment and self-doubt into another space of peace and forgiveness which comes I think from being in the flow.
How much more beautiful can life get than this?... seamlessly merging four lives in one stitch in one instant! How much more interconnected can our lives be than this?
I am forever grateful to life for showing up at my door every moment, every day....for never giving up on me, even when I sometimes feel like giving up on it .....for showing me time and again how efficient it is in the way it works - achieving the maximum with minimum effort....yes, it is time to salute life and its never-say-die attitude! :)
He came with his family in the evening and we sat down with them to chat about old times and catch up on each others' lives. Their kids had grown so much and were fascinated with Raghav's creations.
"Are you still angry with us?", his wife asked me hesitatingly.
I smiled and said: " Why should I be angry?"
"No...is sir angry with us still?", she added.
"No....he was perhaps angry then. But with him the anger is only in the moment....he does not hold on to it after that....he forgets about it after the moment....so, he is not angry with you'll...we are not angry at all," I replied.
She looked relieved. As if a big burden was off her.
She then went on to share that they were very happy as a family now....that her husband had a good job, which was not very tiring and stressful, and he was doing well enough.....they were contented and in peace, in spite of their troubles. Yes, they looked happy. I could feel it. I could feel them flowing with their lives. I felt so happy.
"We think of you every night when we sit down to eat," she said.
"Why? I don't understand..." I added.
"The way you both are....sir and you....we have learned a lot from both of you...about how to be with each other....yes, we fight and argue and get really angry and sometimes don't even talk to each other for some time.....but we now know that we have to let each other be....we just go away and be by ourselves for a while until it all settles down....we know that we have only each other and that we like each other beyond all that....life is so much more peaceful than it was then," she softly said, fighting the tears that were welling up.
My heart skipped a beat too. I felt a lump in my throat.....grateful to life for having showed them the way.....and making us an instrument towards that.
I mentioned to him while we were talking that after he had quit, we had stopped doing puja for the vehicles on Ayudha Puja day. He immediately offered to come and do it for us this time. That spontaneous gesture touched me. And we agreed to wait for him this time. Today he came and happily did the puja for our cars with devotion and sincerity. For nothing but the affection and regard he has for us. That moved me to tears. I love these simple acts of love, for no other reason but love.
And then I remembered the old times - how her husband came to drive our car because Srinath (my husband) suddenly developed double vision one day, and just couldn't drive anymore. He came then to help us tide over those challenging times, when I was getting burnt out doing everything including driving, as my husband could not get out of the house and even walk on the road because of his severe double vision. Those were trying times for us. I had just come back from Bangalore after my mother's tryst with cancer, and a few weeks later I was down with chickenpox. My husband had to travel every week to Madurai for his work and needed a driver desperately. He came as a saviour to us.
I remembered how he and his wife had a strange relationship with both of us. They had a lot of misunderstandings between themselves and with their extended family, and would reach out only to us. He would talk only to me and she would talk only to my husband! I recalled how I had shared with him on our many trips in the car, snippets from our life and how we dealt with our problems, with vulnerability and how he opened up too with his problems. He would ask for suggestions and I would share my thoughts. His wife would do the same with my husband on the phone :) It was funny....those conversations we had about life!
We treated him as a part of the family. He used to live very far away and would come at unearthly hours to drive for my husband. Often he would not have eaten anything. I would offer him food and ask him to sit down and eat with my husband. He hesitated in the beginning as I presumed he was not used to being treated that way, but soon felt at home. I would send stuff that I had cooked sometimes home with him for his wife and kid, and he would take it happily. He would bring his family home on special occasions and would not hesitate to do anything for us. I was being myself - open and kind, as I usually am with most people.
But soon the stress of driving back and forth every week got to him I guess and he started slipping up in his work. He would take off without informing us or call in sick very often. My husband would go off on his own and he would show up a day later for work. Both of us were angry with him and he would lie to us out of fear. We were getting tired of this.
Around the same time, I suddenly had a gut feeling that he was attracted towards me too....the way he spoke and looked at me....and I felt very uncomfortable and scared to go alone with him in the car. I also felt sad that he was misusing and perhaps misunderstanding my openness and kindness. I finally expressed how I was feeling to my husband and what I thought. Strangely, soon after I did that and we both decided that we should ask him to go, he himself came up to my husband one day in the office and told him that he wanted to quit. That made it easier for us. And that was the last we saw of him, until two days ago.
So then why did these old energies revisit me or all of us two days ago, after so many years? What was the message in it for me and for us? These are the questions I have been asking myself over the last two days. It is clear to me that this was not a chance incident. There was something in it for me. Maybe for all of us.
I feel now that we were all revisiting our old energies in a new way. Life was telling each of us how much we had grown and changed....what we had let go of....what we had forgiven ourselves for....what we had learned to face in ourselves through what had happened....and where each of us was in our journeys with ourselves now. It was clear that we had all found peace within....we were all at peace with ourselves and our lives....and the way it was unfolding now for each of us. We had moved on from fear, anger, distrust, discontentment and self-doubt into another space of peace and forgiveness which comes I think from being in the flow.
How much more beautiful can life get than this?... seamlessly merging four lives in one stitch in one instant! How much more interconnected can our lives be than this?
I am forever grateful to life for showing up at my door every moment, every day....for never giving up on me, even when I sometimes feel like giving up on it .....for showing me time and again how efficient it is in the way it works - achieving the maximum with minimum effort....yes, it is time to salute life and its never-say-die attitude! :)
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