Be Careful!

'Be careful!'
I hear voices,
sometimes inside,
sometimes outside -
a fearful anticipation,
an unwelcome arrival,
a harsh denial,
that jars the present
and pickles a spirit
that doesn't want to hide;
'be-care-full'
is the voice
I choose to hear -
one voice,
soft and firm,
for each step
into the magical darkness
that I pour myself into.

Peace

engulfed
in the drone
of an urban morn,
a mourning heart
sinks its roots
into the grounded sky -
a constant reminder
of what could be,
if only I have
the time
and space,
to connect
inside,
to listen,
and simply be
me.

What I want today....

Today, I am tired.
Tired of being the seeker.
Tired of wanting to know.
Tired of making patterns and trying to understand what may lie in store.

Today I want to simply be. Be an ordinary human.

I want to cry like a baby, while being held by a loved one.
I want to feel what it is to be held by someone who does not shush or ask me to stop crying....
Who does not wonder why....
Who just holds me in his/her arms, where I can empty my tears and sleep in the warm wetness of being held with love.

I want to feel anger and hate and pain and delve into the nerve-wrecking uncertainty of living life every moment. I want to feel them rise and fall again, one more time. I want to hold them with love, for they are a part of me.

I want to look at the scars and remember my old wounds....I want to feel them smarting like they used to....I want to feel the pain of leaving them untended and feel the relief in leaving them open and raw, so that they live out their life as I live out mine.

I want to feel my body tingle with joy and wonder like a child who has just discovered something precious - a shell on the beach, a rounded pebble, a spotted leaf or the answer to a question he has been asking himself. I want to know what it feels like to invite Joy and give him my most treasured chair in the living room. I have shut the door on him too often and for too long, while peeping out through the gap in the window, to see if he was still lingering around.

I want to know what it is to love like an ordinary human being. I want to possess and feel possessed.
I want to feel the pain of being in love. I want to feel the pain of letting go. I want to feel the sting of rejection. I want to risk everything, myself and all that I have. I want to fly on the wings of love and into the open sky, with a queasy feeling in my gut.

I want to get into my body, into my every cell and sinew. 
I want to feel with my heart and my whole being. I want to watch and feel it sink, flutter and fly.
I want to let loose.
I want to cry with my eyes and let my heart bleed.
I want to just be, without knowing why.
I want to live life.
I want to be real.
I want to feel alive.

"Beingness"

Today
when I close my eyes,
there is no longing;
there is a simple "beingness".

Today
when I close my eyes,
I open my heart
to myself;
a tiny leaf free falling
to rest unto itself,
on the warm, moist earth.

Today
as I open my heart,
the gentle rain from my eyes
falls into the deep well of stillness,
the relentless waves of my breath
rise and fall as they give and take life;
the ripples on my tranquil heart
dance with abandon in the morning sun,
the quivering leaves in my throat
are caressed and stirred awake by the passing wind,
the lone baobab stands rooted in my gut -
a silent oasis in the empty desert sands,
the brewing storm of wild thoughts
explodes into the darkness of my mind.

Today
as I open my heart,
I see, I feel,
I touch, I hear;
everything is inside me,
when I simply "be".