Birds

this morning
my eyes
were plucked out
from the cold screen
and into the warm blues
that came alive
with the wings of birds
of the season,

some rose together
in a crowd,
an amoeba changing shape
with the winds of desire,
some flew against the grain,
joyfully exploring
new skies and ground,
away from their flock,
while some others
chose to soar alone,
as if to embrace
the whole world
with their out-stretched wings,

and I thought to myself,
how the waters inside me
come alive
with different birds
in different seasons.

November

Water and sky
rest on stage
in each others' arms,
after a frenzied tango.
Suddenly, there's a hint of sun
lightening the grays,
as above, so below.
Dragonflies dance
across still eyeballs.
Islands of seaweed float by,
setting to work
on unfinished business.
Flood waters recede
to unknown shores,
their mission accomplished.
Crows prompt the lost silence
with their frantic calls.
While I sit back and cherish
the curling fragrance
of my warm tea,
having played my part
in this one-act play,
cheering myself, my life,
for the inimitable courage
to live through
and celebrate
every season,
and this dark grey
November.

Overflow

there was a time
when I was afraid
of fullness,
too scared to reach
the frontiers
of my emotions,
and the dark edges
of my fallible existence,
and so I would skirt the shores,
keeping away from the waves
rushing in excitedly
to sweep me off my feet,
and I would watch them
with feigned indifference,
from the safe rims
of my half-open eyes,
and dip my trembling toes
into the receding waters -
the easier part of the flow;

until that one moment
when I looked into the eyes
of a foaming wave,
running in to gather me in her arms,
filling me with a terrifying anticipation,
washing me over with her love,
and grinding me to a deathly pause
on the sands of uncertainty;
and in the quiet presence
of the firmament above,
my being rested among the waves,
as I was held in her endless dance
of arrivals and goodbyes,
of losses and renewals,
of belonging and abandonment,
of fullness and emptiness,
and I knew then
in that one blessed moment,
how to hold myself
as a brimming cup,
where parts of me took form,
from the brink of that fullness,
born from the overflow
of a love
that cannot be held back
but only given and shared,
with a world that thrives
on quiet unseen abundance.

The Village that Raised Me

banished
from the warmth
of my ancient home,
I wandered,
an empty vagrant cloud
upon a taintless sky,
looking to be a rainmaker
where there was no rain;
and then I gathered
the mighty rivers,
the hidden springs,
the swelling seas,
and the dewdrops
on fallen leaves,
to build a raft
from the void
to arrive at the village
inside of me;
the village that raised me,
now welcomed me.

The Way

and I watch them go,
as I watch the waves
parting
from the stolid shore,
knowing that they leave
but not knowing
when they will return
in another form,
revealing the ground
that appears
for me to walk on now,
as I take the next step,
only the next one,
into the emptiness
of walking with myself,
alone.

The Shrine

the pilgrims arrive
sometimes one by one,
or in waves
washing through
the silent corridors
of the shrine,
cleansing
every nook
and crevice
as they leave
with the light
they came to light.

Lime and Onion

beyond the ordinariness
and insipidness
of an unexamined life,
is the simple garnishing
of emotions -
the touch of class
that completes it,
like a dash of lime
and chopped onions,
haunting taste buds,
and inviting them into
the richness
and freshness
of a life well lived.

The Infinite Well

look in
to see
thoughts
and
emotions
trickle
down
into
the
caldera -
the source,
the end
of all
iridescent
orbs
seeking
completion
in an
infinite
well
of peace.

लौ

अभय का
एक अकेला दिया
जलाया है मैने
इस टूटे दिल मे,
हवा की
भटकती उलझनो से
नही डरता है वो,
नही झुकता है वो,
नही झिझकता है वो,
खडा रह्ता है
उस झरोके के पास,
जिससे लिपटता है वो

Emotions - The Water Systems in our Inner Landscape

Water flows, stagnates, evaporates, freezes, thaws, energizes, destroys, and transforms itself. There are so many water forms and bodies, depending on the kind of landscape - swamps, rivers, tiny streams, waterfalls, the ocean, lakes, wells, icebergs, rain, mist, snow, backwaters, lagoons and much more. Each water form or body is unique to the landscape it is found in. Each has its own ecosystem. Each nourishes and sustains life in that ecosystem in its own unique way.

Our emotions are like these different water forms and bodies. They appear different because of the inner landscape they are found in. In essence though they are all the same - water. Each form has its own beauty and purpose for that unique landscape. One is not better or lesser than the other. Each emotion nourishes and sustains that unique inner landscape in its own way. If you take away that emotion, the inner landscape will die a slow death. What we need to do is to appreciate its uniqueness and its gift to that landscape. We need to understand the ecosystem it is helping maintain - how and why. We need to understand that in essence all emotions spring from the same source, just like all kinds of waters are still water in their essence. When we are able to see the beauty and interconnectedness of everything in that landscape, we do not have an urge to change or transform it in anyway, but rather just want to let things be, exactly the way they are. Change or transformation happens in its own time, in its own way. Just like water.

The Many Faces of Love

What we see and experience as different emotions or states of being- like fear, anger, guilt, sadness, hurt, joy, peace etc. are like the different petals of a flower....each beautiful, unique and an integral part of the whole flower....each petal is connected to the other at the centre, and that is what makes the flower complete....and yet each is a unique expression of love....

Love is not separate from these feelings...it is there - flowing, hidden, quiet, with all of these......and when we see each emotion or state like that, then what is inside, as the flower unfolds in this lifetime, is the source - Pure Love.

So when there is a conflict, love is still flowing. But the flow is different...like two sets of ripples moving out in two different directions ....the flow is different where they meet/merge...and yet there is flow.

Love is connection. When we feel love, we feel connected. When we seek love, we seek connection. Sometimes we seek it outside, and sometimes we seek it within. But the intent is the same - to feel connected with our own true self, our essence. When we feel connected in this way, we feel valued for who we are.

Anger, guilt, sadness etc. are all a deep yearning to express our true essence, which is love. It is a yearning to seek connection (without and within), as we do not know a better way of doing that. They are all states of disconnection, when love is not flowing in its pure, natural, free-flowing state. All are expressions that seek to change the status quo. When each has been expressed fully, they make room for love to return to its free-flowing state. All the other states/emotions can always be replaced and reversed by love, which is the source.

What I want today....

Today, I am tired.
Tired of being the seeker.
Tired of wanting to know.
Tired of making patterns and trying to understand what may lie in store.

Today I want to simply be. Be an ordinary human.

I want to cry like a baby, while being held by a loved one.
I want to feel what it is to be held by someone who does not shush or ask me to stop crying....
Who does not wonder why....
Who just holds me in his/her arms, where I can empty my tears and sleep in the warm wetness of being held with love.

I want to feel anger and hate and pain and delve into the nerve-wrecking uncertainty of living life every moment. I want to feel them rise and fall again, one more time. I want to hold them with love, for they are a part of me.

I want to look at the scars and remember my old wounds....I want to feel them smarting like they used to....I want to feel the pain of leaving them untended and feel the relief in leaving them open and raw, so that they live out their life as I live out mine.

I want to feel my body tingle with joy and wonder like a child who has just discovered something precious - a shell on the beach, a rounded pebble, a spotted leaf or the answer to a question he has been asking himself. I want to know what it feels like to invite Joy and give him my most treasured chair in the living room. I have shut the door on him too often and for too long, while peeping out through the gap in the window, to see if he was still lingering around.

I want to know what it is to love like an ordinary human being. I want to possess and feel possessed.
I want to feel the pain of being in love. I want to feel the pain of letting go. I want to feel the sting of rejection. I want to risk everything, myself and all that I have. I want to fly on the wings of love and into the open sky, with a queasy feeling in my gut.

I want to get into my body, into my every cell and sinew. 
I want to feel with my heart and my whole being. I want to watch and feel it sink, flutter and fly.
I want to let loose.
I want to cry with my eyes and let my heart bleed.
I want to just be, without knowing why.
I want to live life.
I want to be real.
I want to feel alive.

Just Stay

Just when you begin to feel
that there is darkness all around,
Just when your trembling hand
reaches out to touch the ground,
Just when an old wound of yours
smarts too much, too much to bear,
Just when you're feeling lost and alone
and wish you could melt into thin air,
Just when you see the glorious sun
die into the bleeding sky,
Just when your revered nakedness
becomes a story to be tossed around,
Stay.
Stay with the pain, the fear,
Stay with the hurt, the rage,
Just stay.
Stay for as long as it takes.
And when you've stayed just long enough,
in that empty space of not knowing,
you will know that it always follows,
as the night, the day.
And so, just stay.

Like A Game of Squash

arguments -
words and emotions
bounce back and forth
from a wall of love
in Life's court;
there are
no winners,
no losers here,
only a game of squash -
to be enjoyed
and played
in the heat
of the moment.

Pods on an Old Tree

ripe, brown pods
hang heavy
from an old tree,
that watches them
with silent intent;
each an expression
of what is -
laden with emotions,
each pod is a reminder
that holds within,
a tiny seed
of endless possibilities;
holding each with love,
as it splits wide open
to release the seed -
that is the only way
the tree knows
to unlock its Self
and find its Bliss.

Like dust from a new broom

thoughts and emotions
keep coming back
to haunt me -
like the dust
that settles
again and again,
from a new broom -
as you sweep it away,
more falls out
to rest on the space
that was once
cleared out.