Fallen Grace

look into my eyes
so you can look
into my soul,
for when I've fallen
from my own
ruthless scrutiny,
my pupils cringe,
my eyelids go limp,
my lashes stroke
the falling tears,
and in that collapse
into a self-made prison,
your eyes
hold me
lift me
and carry me
into the heart
of fallen grace.

The River of Longing

and all the things
I didn't do for you,
all the things
I couldn't do for you,
stay with me
like unsaid goodbyes
across the far banks
of a flowing river
that never rests,
but only grows
in its fervent longing
for everything that is you.

7th of June

and it was the first time
in all these years
of being your daughter
I had missed your birthday;
yes, I didn't give you anything
but my aching heart,
and the staccato words -
'Happy Birthday Appa'
which flowed
from within the dark,
resplendent forest
where I found myself
alone;
and you smiled
through the phone
and told me how
I didn't need to
give you anything,
how I was the best gift to you
how I had given myself,
and there was nothing more
I could ever do;
and on that 7th of June,
I cried,
like I had never before,
what did I do
to deserve a father
like you?
why wasn't I there
on that special day?
would I ever forgive myself?
or did I already know?
and that aching heart
still aches and yearns today,
for a fairytale end
to an unfinished story,
for that gift that wasn't given,
for one more little glimpse
of you....