This morning, I was taking out the dal from the kitchen shelf, and I found that there were tiny beetles crawling up the inside walls of the container. I had just bought this batch last week and was wondering how there were these insects in it already. "Must have been old stock," a little voice whispered inside my head."No, it is organic stuff...this is proof of that," whispered another voice, equally loud. "But how did they get in?" asked another child-like voice - the loudest of them all.
Yeah, it was just another ordinary happening on a mundane morning in the kitchen. But it is in these ordinary moments sometimes that the most extraordinary things are revealed. At least that is how I feel. And so, I watched my curious mind wander off to explore all avenues and untrodden paths in a search for an answer to that question; it just wouldn't rest for a long time. By that time, I had taken out the dal, cleaned it, washed it and put it to cook in the pressure cooker, before getting on to doing other things.
Soon, the tired mind came back to rest. As if to answer its question, a pretty loud, clear, firm voice, but soft in its texture, spoke from within: "That is how it is. There is life in everything, even in what you cannot see. You cannot run away from that truth."
The mind started stirring again now. It had more work to do. How could it rest? It had more things to explore now. It had to validate that for itself. It had to 'find out' whether it was really true. It needed a ground to stand on, or even to sleep or rest on. How could it rest otherwise? :)
Here is a snippet of the conversation that ensued inside of me....
"How can that be true? How is there life in everything?"
"Ah yes! The larvae of these beetles must have been there in the dal earlier....which my eyes could not see."
"But there are so many things that I cannot see while I am busy doing something else....like when I walk around on the street or in the grass, there must be so many micro-organisms, even ants and other insects that I could be trampling upon, without my knowledge."
"There are so many things I eat, which have microscopic life inside them that I cannot see with my eyes."
"Does that mean I have to stop eating? Does that mean I am being violent?"
"Is that how violent I can be?"
"Remember what N told me about her son 'S' who would not have a bath for days on end just because he saw a line of ants in the bathroom and didn't want to pour water and drown them?"
"Come on! No one can be that watchful or mindful all the time! It is impossible!"
"But even R hated my killing mosquitoes, even when they were troubling him so much."
"Aren't these kids teaching us a thing or two about non-violence?"
"What is violence and what is non-violence? One exists only because of the other isn't it? It is because there is life, that there is violence, death and non-violence."
"No one can be completely non-violent. It is impossible. Because there is life everywhere, and in everything. Even in things that we cannot see."
"So what are we raving and ranting about then? Aren't we simply fooling ourselves? "
"Yes, violence is inherent in us. As long as there is life, there will be death. As long as there is life, there will be violence, and from that springs non-violence, and our desire to be non-violent."
"So when we want to be non-violent, does it mean that we haven't accepted the cycle of life and death?"
"I don't know. But I know that there is life everywhere. And just because we cannot see or feel life in something all the time, it doesn't make that false. We see only what we can see or what we want to see. But that does not mean that is all that there is. There is always more than what I can see now. Sometimes I lose sight of that. And that is why I resort to all these efforts of non-violence etc. It is the only way I know to bridge those gaps that I feel between what I see and what I cannot see.....so it is actually impossible to be non-violent. Because nonviolence stems from the space where you know deep down that you are already violent. And that is the space that you cannot see, but where you want to go to. So there are different shades of violence and non-violence for each of us, that we can see or not see. Some see each shade as starkly different, while some see them as merging into each other, and some others see it as the same. Everything rests in the seeing."
And I felt a gentle, unwavering warm light glow inside me. Something about this conversation inside changed something in me. I don't know what yet. But what I know is that there is more to what meets the eye, and to know that, is the fire that rages within and drives me onward. And I also know that I need these two bullocks - my mind and my heart - to work in unison to drive me and take me there.
But meanwhile, I have this 'dal' to cook and eat....so let me get back to being present with that......
