I quite recently started to make this a ritual and a morning routine for myself - drawing kolams - it was nothing to do with any religious beliefs.......but because one day while I was doing it, it suddenly dawned on me that I was thinking differently. From that day onwards, I have always watched myself and my thoughts while drawing kolams. Sometimes I find myself being very creative and thinking of drawing very different kolams outside our front door. Those days, I also find that I tend to think in different ways about everything that happens. There are some days, when my creative juices just don't flow and I resort to drawing the same old patterns from my memory. And those days I find myself creating the same old patterns of thought in my mind, for different issues that come up during the day. There are other days when the basic pattern might be the same from an old memory of a kolam drawn; but I would perhaps give it a little tweak - a little something different - my own touch. To my surprise, I find that my thought process too goes through a little tweaking! So now, every morning, when I get those few minutes to myself to draw the kolam outside our front door, I see it as a reflection of my mental state. A state of being and thinking.
a celebration of life.....
Friday, July 20, 2012
Kolams in my mind
I quite recently started to make this a ritual and a morning routine for myself - drawing kolams - it was nothing to do with any religious beliefs.......but because one day while I was doing it, it suddenly dawned on me that I was thinking differently. From that day onwards, I have always watched myself and my thoughts while drawing kolams. Sometimes I find myself being very creative and thinking of drawing very different kolams outside our front door. Those days, I also find that I tend to think in different ways about everything that happens. There are some days, when my creative juices just don't flow and I resort to drawing the same old patterns from my memory. And those days I find myself creating the same old patterns of thought in my mind, for different issues that come up during the day. There are other days when the basic pattern might be the same from an old memory of a kolam drawn; but I would perhaps give it a little tweak - a little something different - my own touch. To my surprise, I find that my thought process too goes through a little tweaking! So now, every morning, when I get those few minutes to myself to draw the kolam outside our front door, I see it as a reflection of my mental state. A state of being and thinking.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Masks
Masks
Long, short
Small, big
Scary, friendly
Look within. Not without.
Do we need them?
Do we own them?
In the light of Truth
They fall listless
Exposed. Shattered.
Moulting
A letting go.
Living and dying.
A revival. A Reunion.
Of Truth and Beauty.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
On Freedom from Fear and Inter-being
We were driving towards North Sikkim in a private taxi, to spend two
days at Lachung. We were looking forward to it as a family, as everyone
we had met had told us that that was one of the most beautiful parts of
Sikkim and untouched by the ravages of tourism and industry.
While on the one hand, my heart was seeking the adventure and beauty of the long but amazing drive through the rugged landscape, another part of me sank with the fear of what I had read in the newspapers - about the earthquake that happened last year in those parts....as we passed by huge remains of the landslides that had devastated the area, around every bend.....Funny how the mind slips so easily into one thought and out of another!
The drive was long with hardly any facilities on the way (food and toilets). We had to leave quite early in the morning and would reach Lachung only by the evening. The distance from Gangtok to Lachung was not very much, but it was all hilly terrain and in many parts the road itself was non-existent! But the beauty of the place was absolutely stunning!
While Raghav slept on and off on my lap, I looked out of the window to soak in all the beauty of this once in a lifetime pilgrimage. I say pilgrimage because I found God there....not only in the beauty of nature, but in the human beings we met, in the adventures we had and all the churning that happened within. There was so much beauty in the lush greenery outside.....waterfalls and crystal clear streams running across the road at almost every bend....the smell of fresh green leaves and pine in the air.....a cool breeze that tingled and gave me goosebumps....the sound of the wide, fiery river Teesta gushing along between the mountains....a deep, rushing sound that arose from the ravine below....there was just so much to see, hear, feel and smell! There were also many signs alongside the road that warned drivers of falling rocks and boulders, landslides and narrow bridges. It was definitely not a road trip for someone with a weak tummy :)
For the initial part of our drive, I found myself sitting very tense......my knees locked in position, hands holding Raghav tight....face taut with emotions as a zillion thoughts raced through my head....I dared not look ahead or out or below! But when I saw the two fearless people that I loved so dearly, look out and smile and enjoy the adventure and excitement and not once think about the future or "what would happen if?...", I realised what I was not doing. I was not living in the moment, and that was the cause of my crazy fears - of falling into the ravine, fear of a landslide happening right then and so many more! Wow! How much this little mind can conjure up things?! All of a sudden, I realised what I had to do. I had to allow this wave of extreme fear to wash over me until there was nothing left.....and then, my mind settled and the waters calmed down.....I was able to see clearly what I had to see.....and that moment was one of the most beautiful moments in my life!
There was just no fear inside. Instead this inexplicable feeling of a heady mixture of wonder, joy, love, compassion, and deep empathy filled me to the brim. And I realised after all these years that I had a much deeper connection with nature than I had ever thought I did. It was a moment that I could not forget. I also realised that when I lived in the moment like my son and husband so easily did, there was just no room for fear of any kind.....fear of death, fear of change, fear of failure, fear of loss....everything just vanished!
I remember how I started crying.....tears poured down for no reason at all....it was a moment when I found God. Suddenly, there was just no feeling inside me at all....my body was relaxed and composed.....all the tension disappeared....I was able to look out and down and ahead and feel nothing but bliss....I felt one with everything that I saw and cried....I cried for and with the mountains....with the river....with the little streams that ran over the road.....the trees....the clear blue sky...and with everything that I could see, hear, feel and smell....I found myself in everything and everything in myself...I don't know why I cried....was it a release? was it joy? was it feeling the pain of all that glory of Nature being destroyed by us? was it just a deep feeling that could not be described in words but only felt? I don't know and don't need to know I guess.
But what I know is this - that we are all so deeply connected to and dependent on each other.....it is a myth to call ourselves independent.....because every little animate and inanimate thing that exists on earth is connected and woven together to form the rich tapestry of the cosmos itself.
I felt the magic and power of Inter- being...and the inexplicable paradoxes that rule the earth.
I realised that the greatest pilgrimage one can ever undertake is the pilgrimage within...into one's own self...to find God inside us and in everything that we see, hear, feel and smell...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You can see some photos that reflect the magic of Sikkim here.....
https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.4033399641166.171907.1466928231&type=3
While on the one hand, my heart was seeking the adventure and beauty of the long but amazing drive through the rugged landscape, another part of me sank with the fear of what I had read in the newspapers - about the earthquake that happened last year in those parts....as we passed by huge remains of the landslides that had devastated the area, around every bend.....Funny how the mind slips so easily into one thought and out of another!
The drive was long with hardly any facilities on the way (food and toilets). We had to leave quite early in the morning and would reach Lachung only by the evening. The distance from Gangtok to Lachung was not very much, but it was all hilly terrain and in many parts the road itself was non-existent! But the beauty of the place was absolutely stunning!
While Raghav slept on and off on my lap, I looked out of the window to soak in all the beauty of this once in a lifetime pilgrimage. I say pilgrimage because I found God there....not only in the beauty of nature, but in the human beings we met, in the adventures we had and all the churning that happened within. There was so much beauty in the lush greenery outside.....waterfalls and crystal clear streams running across the road at almost every bend....the smell of fresh green leaves and pine in the air.....a cool breeze that tingled and gave me goosebumps....the sound of the wide, fiery river Teesta gushing along between the mountains....a deep, rushing sound that arose from the ravine below....there was just so much to see, hear, feel and smell! There were also many signs alongside the road that warned drivers of falling rocks and boulders, landslides and narrow bridges. It was definitely not a road trip for someone with a weak tummy :)
For the initial part of our drive, I found myself sitting very tense......my knees locked in position, hands holding Raghav tight....face taut with emotions as a zillion thoughts raced through my head....I dared not look ahead or out or below! But when I saw the two fearless people that I loved so dearly, look out and smile and enjoy the adventure and excitement and not once think about the future or "what would happen if?...", I realised what I was not doing. I was not living in the moment, and that was the cause of my crazy fears - of falling into the ravine, fear of a landslide happening right then and so many more! Wow! How much this little mind can conjure up things?! All of a sudden, I realised what I had to do. I had to allow this wave of extreme fear to wash over me until there was nothing left.....and then, my mind settled and the waters calmed down.....I was able to see clearly what I had to see.....and that moment was one of the most beautiful moments in my life!
There was just no fear inside. Instead this inexplicable feeling of a heady mixture of wonder, joy, love, compassion, and deep empathy filled me to the brim. And I realised after all these years that I had a much deeper connection with nature than I had ever thought I did. It was a moment that I could not forget. I also realised that when I lived in the moment like my son and husband so easily did, there was just no room for fear of any kind.....fear of death, fear of change, fear of failure, fear of loss....everything just vanished!
I remember how I started crying.....tears poured down for no reason at all....it was a moment when I found God. Suddenly, there was just no feeling inside me at all....my body was relaxed and composed.....all the tension disappeared....I was able to look out and down and ahead and feel nothing but bliss....I felt one with everything that I saw and cried....I cried for and with the mountains....with the river....with the little streams that ran over the road.....the trees....the clear blue sky...and with everything that I could see, hear, feel and smell....I found myself in everything and everything in myself...I don't know why I cried....was it a release? was it joy? was it feeling the pain of all that glory of Nature being destroyed by us? was it just a deep feeling that could not be described in words but only felt? I don't know and don't need to know I guess.
But what I know is this - that we are all so deeply connected to and dependent on each other.....it is a myth to call ourselves independent.....because every little animate and inanimate thing that exists on earth is connected and woven together to form the rich tapestry of the cosmos itself.
I felt the magic and power of Inter- being...and the inexplicable paradoxes that rule the earth.
I realised that the greatest pilgrimage one can ever undertake is the pilgrimage within...into one's own self...to find God inside us and in everything that we see, hear, feel and smell...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You can see some photos that reflect the magic of Sikkim here.....
https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.4033399641166.171907.1466928231&type=3
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