Today I went down to cycle by myself as Raghav was unwilling to get away from what he was completely immersed in. It is the first time he let me go cycling by myself, and without asking me when I would be back. I decided to make the most of it :)
It was quite windy, after last night's rain. Usually the wind is quite strong in the gaps between the apartment blocks, so much so that it is really hard to pedal, and you want to just stop and walk. Usually when we go cycling, everything is timed and counted, as that is what makes it more challenging and fun for Raghav. So it took a bit of getting used to for me, to just cycle with no agenda or structure.
At first, out of habit, I looked at the time and then started counting the number of times I had gone around the block :) But soon, everything changed. I started getting 'into' the cycling completely. The wind was cool and fickle, suddenly blowing hard to tease me and test my cycling skills, and suddenly lying low as if to give me a break. It started to become fun! I started talking to the wind with my body.
I decided to just go by 'feeling the flow'. I slowed down considerably. When the wind blew hard, I did not stop, but pedaled really slowly. It pushed harder at me, but I did not stop, like I usually feel like doing. I was teetering as it was hard to keep balance while slow-pedaling. But I did not stop. I was going so slow that I could feel every muscle in my legs working. I felt the rhythmic movement of my legs moving in circles. It was soothing. The wind sliced my face, my hair streamed across my face blinding me temporarily. I closed my eyes and felt the wind. I could hear it blow alongside my face and body, sometimes whistling, sometimes rushing. It perked me up and made my hair stand on end. I felt truly alive and for a moment, as if I was flying off somewhere. As I turned the corner, the wind died down suddenly, disappearing into the darkness. Now I could pedal faster. I took care to pedal just fast enough to move with the gentle breeze. I did not want to rush or push myself too much. It felt like a little dance with the wind, taking turns to lead and step. I started getting into the groove.
I must have cycled for more than half an hour. I don't know how many rounds I did around the block. Must have been many more than usual. I didn't take a break at all like I usually do, nor did I feel like I needed one . I wasn't panting; I wasn't looking at the time nor counting the rounds. I didn't feel tired at all, nor any pain in my thighs and ankles, like I usually do. I could have gone on for much much longer. It was an amazing experience.
I realised that the difference was that I was 'feeling the flow' of the wind and adjusting my flow accordingly. I was not resisting the flow of the wind and pushing against it (which is what usually led to my feeling breathless and feeling pain in my legs); nor was I going completely with the flow (because then I would have had to stop completely many a time). What I managed to do by 'feeling the wind', was to 'feel the flow' and adjust what I was doing accordingly, so that the wind and I were equal partners, and neither was really 'controlling' or resisting the other. Rather, we were moving together, in our own flow. That was the difference.
That was an epiphany of sorts for me....to see that what we needed to do with our lives, to avoid pain and suffering, was also just to 'feel the flow' and move on. For when you feel the flow, your entire life becomes a dance that you are so enjoying. This dance is not about 'going with the flow', but rather about 'feeling' the flow of life, and 'feeling' our way through the flow of life.
It was quite windy, after last night's rain. Usually the wind is quite strong in the gaps between the apartment blocks, so much so that it is really hard to pedal, and you want to just stop and walk. Usually when we go cycling, everything is timed and counted, as that is what makes it more challenging and fun for Raghav. So it took a bit of getting used to for me, to just cycle with no agenda or structure.
At first, out of habit, I looked at the time and then started counting the number of times I had gone around the block :) But soon, everything changed. I started getting 'into' the cycling completely. The wind was cool and fickle, suddenly blowing hard to tease me and test my cycling skills, and suddenly lying low as if to give me a break. It started to become fun! I started talking to the wind with my body.
I decided to just go by 'feeling the flow'. I slowed down considerably. When the wind blew hard, I did not stop, but pedaled really slowly. It pushed harder at me, but I did not stop, like I usually feel like doing. I was teetering as it was hard to keep balance while slow-pedaling. But I did not stop. I was going so slow that I could feel every muscle in my legs working. I felt the rhythmic movement of my legs moving in circles. It was soothing. The wind sliced my face, my hair streamed across my face blinding me temporarily. I closed my eyes and felt the wind. I could hear it blow alongside my face and body, sometimes whistling, sometimes rushing. It perked me up and made my hair stand on end. I felt truly alive and for a moment, as if I was flying off somewhere. As I turned the corner, the wind died down suddenly, disappearing into the darkness. Now I could pedal faster. I took care to pedal just fast enough to move with the gentle breeze. I did not want to rush or push myself too much. It felt like a little dance with the wind, taking turns to lead and step. I started getting into the groove.
I must have cycled for more than half an hour. I don't know how many rounds I did around the block. Must have been many more than usual. I didn't take a break at all like I usually do, nor did I feel like I needed one . I wasn't panting; I wasn't looking at the time nor counting the rounds. I didn't feel tired at all, nor any pain in my thighs and ankles, like I usually do. I could have gone on for much much longer. It was an amazing experience.
I realised that the difference was that I was 'feeling the flow' of the wind and adjusting my flow accordingly. I was not resisting the flow of the wind and pushing against it (which is what usually led to my feeling breathless and feeling pain in my legs); nor was I going completely with the flow (because then I would have had to stop completely many a time). What I managed to do by 'feeling the wind', was to 'feel the flow' and adjust what I was doing accordingly, so that the wind and I were equal partners, and neither was really 'controlling' or resisting the other. Rather, we were moving together, in our own flow. That was the difference.
That was an epiphany of sorts for me....to see that what we needed to do with our lives, to avoid pain and suffering, was also just to 'feel the flow' and move on. For when you feel the flow, your entire life becomes a dance that you are so enjoying. This dance is not about 'going with the flow', but rather about 'feeling' the flow of life, and 'feeling' our way through the flow of life.
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