My husband's company currently runs a shop in Madurai, where they source vegetables, millets, grains, pottery and some other stuff, largely direct from farmers and local communities. It is an attempt to do a trial run, for the kind of logistics that would be involved when they start a huge project (a terminal market) for and with the government. In an attempt to also provide employment to the local people, they are trying to get people from surrounding villages to work in the shop.
One of them, a young man of twenty and recently married, attempted suicide by hanging himself last week. He was an honest and hard-working young lad, who had married a girl against his parents wishes, and moved from the village to live in Madurai. Both husband and wife were working in the shop. It seems they were having a lot of financial issues with their families. One morning, this man locked up his wife in the bathroom, in the house where the shop functions, and attempted to hang himself from the fan. His wife somehow managed to break open the door and bring him down in time. After many days of being unconscious and on the ventilator, in the ICU, he opened his eyes and slowly regained consciousness. He survived. Their families came to be with them and then took them back to the village.
Last week, while overhearing the conversation my husband was having with one of his colleagues there on the phone, I realised what had happened and what they wanted to do. They wanted to send this man away to his village, when he came out from the hospital. My heart broke! "That's not what he needs really!", I thought to myself. But I did not want to interfere. I did not want to do anything from a space of wanting to correct what is. I wanted my action to stem from a space of love....love for both sides. And that I knew would come only with understanding....understanding both sides from my heart. And so I stayed with my feelings.
Perhaps they were scared of the consequences. Perhaps they were fearful and apprehensive of what would happen to the business and the shop if they got involved in a police case like this one. Perhaps they felt that they had enough problems already on hand and didn't want to take on more unnecessarily. Perhaps they also felt a sense of betrayal as they had done so much for this couple - they had promised to look out for a separate place for them to stay in, an increase in their salaries etc. soon. Yes I could understand how they must have felt to hear this news.
But what about that young man? Can we stop for a moment and see what could have driven him to the edge? Can we understand his utter helplessness, his sense of loss? Can we listen to the cry of his lonely heart? As I thought of all this, I suddenly realised that I was crying. Tears streaming down inside....I wanted to give him a big hug, hold his hand and sit down and hear him speak....pour his heart out. But I could not possibly do that. And so I imagined doing that...connected with him through my breath....that is all I could do for the moment.
A few minutes later, my husband came out from the bedroom. He was agitated. I asked him what had happened and he shared the story. What I had guessed about the way they were feeling was right. I quietly shared with him what I was feeling - "What would he do if you sent him away now when he perhaps really needs you all? How would he feel? Do you think you can still keep him?", I asked gently. My husband fumed, insisting that that was definitely not possible, and that he did not like their attitude. "Remember me?", I whispered to him, swallowing my emotions. And left it at that. We did not speak about this much after that. Every morning he would get a call from the hospital about the situation, and I would gently inquire about that young man.
Today, my husband got back and on his own came up to me and said this - that he had decided to keep that man at work when he became well. He told me how the couple had come to meet him and that he had told them what I had shared with him. "I could not bear to tell him to go away. And so I told him to stay....I spoke to both of them...I asked him if he could see how brave his wife had been to do what she had done to save him in that moment...she had broken open the door on her own to come out and get him down....and how much that spoke about her love for him", he said. My heart was wide open and so was his. And we stood there in the kitchen hugging and kissing each other, tears streaming down our faces. United. In love. What more is really needed to live this life?
One of them, a young man of twenty and recently married, attempted suicide by hanging himself last week. He was an honest and hard-working young lad, who had married a girl against his parents wishes, and moved from the village to live in Madurai. Both husband and wife were working in the shop. It seems they were having a lot of financial issues with their families. One morning, this man locked up his wife in the bathroom, in the house where the shop functions, and attempted to hang himself from the fan. His wife somehow managed to break open the door and bring him down in time. After many days of being unconscious and on the ventilator, in the ICU, he opened his eyes and slowly regained consciousness. He survived. Their families came to be with them and then took them back to the village.
Last week, while overhearing the conversation my husband was having with one of his colleagues there on the phone, I realised what had happened and what they wanted to do. They wanted to send this man away to his village, when he came out from the hospital. My heart broke! "That's not what he needs really!", I thought to myself. But I did not want to interfere. I did not want to do anything from a space of wanting to correct what is. I wanted my action to stem from a space of love....love for both sides. And that I knew would come only with understanding....understanding both sides from my heart. And so I stayed with my feelings.
Perhaps they were scared of the consequences. Perhaps they were fearful and apprehensive of what would happen to the business and the shop if they got involved in a police case like this one. Perhaps they felt that they had enough problems already on hand and didn't want to take on more unnecessarily. Perhaps they also felt a sense of betrayal as they had done so much for this couple - they had promised to look out for a separate place for them to stay in, an increase in their salaries etc. soon. Yes I could understand how they must have felt to hear this news.
But what about that young man? Can we stop for a moment and see what could have driven him to the edge? Can we understand his utter helplessness, his sense of loss? Can we listen to the cry of his lonely heart? As I thought of all this, I suddenly realised that I was crying. Tears streaming down inside....I wanted to give him a big hug, hold his hand and sit down and hear him speak....pour his heart out. But I could not possibly do that. And so I imagined doing that...connected with him through my breath....that is all I could do for the moment.
A few minutes later, my husband came out from the bedroom. He was agitated. I asked him what had happened and he shared the story. What I had guessed about the way they were feeling was right. I quietly shared with him what I was feeling - "What would he do if you sent him away now when he perhaps really needs you all? How would he feel? Do you think you can still keep him?", I asked gently. My husband fumed, insisting that that was definitely not possible, and that he did not like their attitude. "Remember me?", I whispered to him, swallowing my emotions. And left it at that. We did not speak about this much after that. Every morning he would get a call from the hospital about the situation, and I would gently inquire about that young man.
Today, my husband got back and on his own came up to me and said this - that he had decided to keep that man at work when he became well. He told me how the couple had come to meet him and that he had told them what I had shared with him. "I could not bear to tell him to go away. And so I told him to stay....I spoke to both of them...I asked him if he could see how brave his wife had been to do what she had done to save him in that moment...she had broken open the door on her own to come out and get him down....and how much that spoke about her love for him", he said. My heart was wide open and so was his. And we stood there in the kitchen hugging and kissing each other, tears streaming down our faces. United. In love. What more is really needed to live this life?
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