What is Inclusion?

What is it to be truly inclusive?
What is it to feel excluded?

These are questions that I started to think about lightly when I was working at Vidya Sagar - "an organisation that works with children and young adults with cerebral palsy and other neurological disabilities, their families and the communities they live in".

I say lightly now, because the word and concept of inclusion has taken on a whole new avatar for me since then. At that time, we were working on a mission statement together, where everyone shared their thoughts on what they thought inclusion was and what Vidya Sagar stood for. It was an amazing session of self-introspection of the whole community, both individually and collectively. One could not look at inclusion as a collective belief and vision, without looking at one's own self too. That is what I realised then, when we were working to create more inclusive spaces for people with special needs.

This concept of inclusion took its next beating when a very dear friend and colleague of mine came up to talk to me one day about something that had happened there. She was very hurt and in turmoil. She was angry. She felt excluded. She spewed out anger at some of the people who she felt had wronged her, while she spoke to me. I listened. I held that space for her. I felt her pain. That was all I could do then. Perhaps I had done enough. I don't know. But it was that raw, vulnerable moment that expanded my definition of inclusion. I wondered if that space was truly inclusive, as she was feeling so excluded. I understood the pain of what it feels like to be excluded, at Vidya Sagar.....from the issues that haunted us and the people we worked with, and from this outburst from my dear friend. That, I think sowed the seed for my journey towards understanding inclusion.

I started thinking about inclusion more and more deeply from then on.
I have wondered often if we could ever be truly and wholly inclusive as a community and species.

Then came my journey into homeschooling and unschooling. Once again the pain of exclusion haunted me, when people said things about my son. I felt that I was alone in this journey and that the whole world and the system was against me. I felt excluded once again. But this time, something was different. Something had given inside of me. Was it a wall I had unconsciously built around me? To protect myself from the rest of the world? I don't know. Perhaps it was.

I suddenly realised that no one was excluding me but myself! I had somehow cooked up this high-in-the-air image about us and our unique journey, that was in itself excluding....because I looked at us as being different, special and unique. Suddenly it all fell into place. I figured that it was all in my mind, not outside. That was the last straw....and the whole illusion of exclusion came crumbling down!

So then, inclusion was in the mind and in the heart. I realized that after a lot of pain and grief. I had felt excluded because that was what I was thinking inside....I thought exclusion and breathed exclusion and so it manifested in my life as that. But now, when I opened my mind and heart to infinite possibilities ....that cannot be predetermined or imagined even, but rather, accepted with faith and a surrender of one's will...I felt a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. This warmth seemed to radiate outwards and touch others too who came into our lives. Was it the law of attraction at work? Was this a feeling of inclusion? I wondered.

There have been some instances when we went to a gathering and then wondered why we had gone there, because we felt left out and excluded or fearful of treading on another's beliefs and values. There were some where we felt an expanse of space to breathe easy. I have thought a lot about both and what the difference could have been. I am still struggling to understand the dichotomy. 

Why does one feel excluded sometimes and included at other times? Am I really as inclusive as I think I am? Does inclusion mean treating another equally? Are we ever equal? Or does it mean understanding and accepting the diversity and uniqueness in each individual and blending it all to form one complete whole? Is it about preserving the individual and yet celebrating a community?

Every time I thought I was being inclusive, something happened which made me look within and realize that I was actually not being inclusive. I do like wholesome healthy food, preferably home-cooked, but that does not mean I will impose my ideas of "healthy food" on anyone else, even my husband and son. We all eat what we like and want to. We have made peace with our food. Yet, I find it hard to cook a meal when my sister and family come down to stay with us as they like their meals bland and with no salt. I find it limiting when my in-laws come as they eat no onion and masala and eat only South Indian food. So how can I be inclusive with food, given my limitations? It would mean that I have to stretch myself and do more than I can physically. Am I ready to do that? Am I happy to do that? Sometimes I am not.

Recently, I invited a friend over to come and stay with us. I was really looking forward to her coming. But when I thought about it, I realized that they loved their meat, and I could not tolerate the smell and sight of it in my house. I felt bad to tell her my problem, but did so anyway. She understood and agreed to go out and eat if needed. But I still hurt inside as I felt I was not being as inclusive as I wanted to.

What I realize and feel now is that we all have an inherent need to be inclusive as that is the nature of the true self. That is the divine in all of us - the need to embrace everything with equanimity and love. This whole life is a labour of that love and a journey to fulfill that need. 

I feel that it is this very nature that finds expression as guilt, hurt, ignorance and anger, that leads to exclusion. Our beliefs, values, and conditioning that we hold on to so dearly, are what colour and decide our every move in life, and act as barriers to this natural state, that is waiting and trying so hard to express itself and be inclusive. So then, is inclusion a spiritual process, if it is so wired to our beliefs, values and attitudes that shape and define us? I do feel it is. 

And now I do feel that inclusion is not a state, but a process, much like the spiritual process.....it is a path to self-awakening and self-awareness, and perhaps only when we let go of all these little beliefs and identities that we hold on to, can we truly be inclusive. 

The unschooling path I feel gives us an opportunity to be so....because we are constantly questioning these beliefs that make up our core; we are constantly in touch with our true selves, and trying hard to be aware of what we see, think, hear, feel and do.

So can we hold hands and laugh, cry, argue,sing, and scream with and at one another, without destroying each other in the process? 

Can we celebrate diversity if we pretend to bring in the harvest before we have toiled and tilled the ground together? 

Can we support and endure each others' weaknesses by learning ways to forgive and rediscover a shared purpose?  

Are we willing to learn to get along, while recognizing our differences, our needs, our unique paths and our gifts? 

Can we shed the burden of our identities that we all carry and hold on to?
Can we then learn to be a little more inclusive and heal ourselves and our community?

I think we can if we commit ourselves to looking within.