Self-Affirmations

Yes, I am a full time mom, wife and life learner. I cook, clean the house, take care of my son and husband and myself, and whoever else needs taking care of :) A lot of my time everyday, goes in doing these things, but I love doing it. I do it with love and devotion. Like every other thing that I do.

I don't believe in outsourcing anything. To me, my house is my home - a sacred space that I want to create and nurture.  I want to do my chores myself as long as I have the strength to do that. I love doing that as it gives me time to contemplate - quiet, "me" time and a silent space where I can get in touch with my thoughts, feelings and myself....a space where I can rest as long as I want to, soak in my mind and heart, clean out the cobwebs and simply flow and be. It is a space and a time that I often don't get outside, and so I yearn for that time and space where I can just be. The chores are meditative for me. A lot of my inspiration for writing comes from that space.

I don't have a 'career' or dream to do more as a career woman, more than what I am doing now. Yes, I do have little-big dreams that I have cherished for long. Dreams of living up in the mountains somewhere, in a house of cob....going on long walks with the people I love (the top of the list being me!), growing my own food, writing for as long as I want to, filling my house with music of all kinds, travelling the world, living in a caravan, creating inclusive play spaces for kids, running a Lego centre for kids where they can just come and spend as much time as they like building and creating with Lego, cooking for people, starting a "seva cafe" of sorts with our traditional food, cooking and leaving food out for people who are needy to take as much as they want, and many more! These are not dreams that I am 'working' on, but dreams that I hold close to my heart. I have pinned those dreams on the wispy clouds that I see everyday when I look out from my balcony and into the sky. I have given them to the Universe for safe-keeping. She will find a way of making them come true when she thinks I am ready. She knows. And I know deeply that she knows.

So yes, I don't have a career. But I have a life. A full life. A life worth living and dying for. A life filled with the pain and joy of being utterly human. What more can I want or ask for? Everything and every person that has come into my life up until now, has stayed with me in many ways. They have shaped my thoughts and opened my heart. They have made me see things with new eyes, including myself. They have brought me many gifts. Oh yes! There has been a lot of agony and struggle and heartache and loneliness. But there has also been joy and celebration and gratitude and fulfillment. I have learned to live with and enjoy all of it.

I don't go out so often, I don't meet many people in person, I don't have parties to go to, I don't have many friends to hang out with or phone calls to attend to. But hey, I still have a life and quite a full one! I meditate, I cry, I laugh, I get angry, I sleep when I feel like, I rest a lot, I read curled up near my son on the beanbag, I cook while listening to my favourite music, I cycle with my son, I lose myself pretty often in the sky and the ocean that sit outside my window, and I capture moments that my eyes prey upon on, with my camera. I write poetry and other things, I talk for hours with a dear friend when all the world is asleep, I share silence and darkness over late-night phone calls with a soul mate, I miss my husband when he is away and dream of what we would do when he is back home, I listen to my son talk all through the day, I listen to the birds chattering outside at dusk and the silent conversation that the moon has with the stars. I stay up to watch a comet shower, or wake up early to catch the sunrise, I rush outside to capture a transient rainbow, or just sit and wonder why. I curl up in bed with my son till he is ready to set off for the day, we watch ants crawl with food on their heads, and spend hours talking about Lego or Minecraft or something we are feeling or need to resolve together. Time stops still for us many a time. We rule time and not the other way around.

Ah yes! I do remember that I have a degree in Physics and am a trained special educator with years of experience. But those are parts of my life that have gone by, making me what I am today. They are a part of the ground on which I stand today. They have been the journey. They are the stations gone by. They are no more destinations. For I am not in need of earning money to feel important or independent. I know my value in this beautiful cosmos. I am independent in my own way. And yes, I like being dependent too. What's wrong with that? I don't have anything to prove to anyone, including myself. I know what I am and what I am here to do now. I want to live a life full of love, give love and be love. That is all that I  need to do....to live up to and become my name - PRIYA :) Nothing more. Nothing less. All is perfect as it is. Including me!

I have worked out this deal with life. I have told her that she has to hold on to my dreams, while I hold her hand and allow her to guide me and take me along this one helluva adventure, as I walk with her in complete faith, enjoying every moment in this journey that she unfolds to me! So then, when you think of asking me what I do with my life and wonder if I get the time and space to live "my life", do pause for a moment and look at yours too....for life is what we make it out to be...and I do have a very full, wondrous, joyous life with all its usual quirky ups and downs......it may not be like yours or what you are used to, but it is mine and I am loving every moment of it!